For most of us life looks nothing like it used to. We are living in a global shift of lifestyle and consciousness which can be equal parts fascinating and terrifying. Many of us can no longer imagine walking through life in the way we did before, but how we're planning to walk through it now is still up in the air. How will we find our way back to old traditions? Which of our new behaviors will we keep? How do we look back and determine meaning? What are the lessons? Will there be a day when it's "over" or will we just gradually begin to suffer less? Will fear and anger gradually dissipate until one day in the future when joy outweighs it? Will we look back and be grateful? There will be many versions of the story. But which version will make sense? Whose version will make it all worth it?
And what do you do if you’re experiencing trauma on top of the current crisis? Having a life you’ve built fall apart is crippling under the best of circumstances but right now it feels remarkably cruel. If you’re facing the end of a marriage, financial ruin, death of a loved one or illness yourself, you’re to be commended for even getting out of bed, or forgiven for not bothering. What do you do when you have no idea what to do?
All of these questions are being asked in every language right now. Fear, suffering and uncertainty are universally understood concepts, but so are hope, love and courage. So how do you get from here to there?
Well, before you do anything else, I’d ask you to close your eyes, place one hand on your heart and the other hand on your stomach. Now, flood yourself with the compassion you’d show your best friend. Really give yourself the understanding you deserve. This is really hard and it’s okay to say it out loud. In fact, it works better if you do. You’re already under attack from the outside so please don’t make it worse by condemning yourself on the inside for “not doing it right enough”.
At this point, if you’re out of bed and you’ve been kind to yourself then you’re two for two. The next step is setting the intention. It can be big or small but it’s important that you set one and there are good reasons for it.
We're all worn smooth by the constant drip or deluge of daily chaos. The intention is a marker in the distance; a place to plant the eyes while the body spins. You may still be getting your ass kicked by the current but that current has purpose when there is intention. It's what you have to go through to get where you’re going. So set the intention and remember, the current isn't the punishment, it's the ride.
Also, be sure to determine your benchmarks. These are the signs you’re going in the right direction or the indicators of the wrong direction needing to be righted. These are your proof of progress, the trail of breadcrumbs or the dots to be sorted out later. You'll want to look back and make connections down the road, so this step is critical. And don’t withhold giving yourself credit for the progress. That’s essential too.
In fact, take a minute and connect two of them right now; a simple 'If not for this there never would have been that' kind of thing. Reviewing your progress and finding a sprinkle of meaning can be exactly the magic that moves you along in the game. And if you really can't find two that connect? Then turn back around and make more dots. It’ll make sense someday, if only in reverse.
And finally, if you’re in bed eviscerating yourself for lacking intentions and benchmarks then you deserve your own kindness most of all. So shower yourself in compassion and heave a little encouragement on top. And remember, we’re all in different seats on the same ride. Your turn to sit in front will come. When it does, connect the dots.
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